


One Day

by AtowncalledMalec



Series: Tentacletober [19]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, malec - Fandom
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Body Dysphoria, Communication, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, Eventual Smut, Fingerfucking, Hand Jobs, Healing, Heavy Angst, Heavy Fluff, Hurt Magnus Bane, Lack of Communication, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Please read the request in the authors notes, Protective Alec Lightwood, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Tentacles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 16:41:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21164804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtowncalledMalec/pseuds/AtowncalledMalec
Summary: A failure to communicate and desperation to protect himself leads to the revelation of secrets that Magnus would rather stay buried. What he doesn't factor into the equation is Alec's undying devotion for him. For every single part of him.Secrets are revealed on both sides but maybe that's a good thing.This work is not to be reposted anywhere else or translated without my permission.





	One Day

**Author's Note:**

> I'm mushing two prompts together for this one.
> 
> Prompts #20 Established Tentacle Relationship  
#29 Tentacle Hurt/Comfort
> 
> This one is more emotional hurt/comfort than anything else. I haven't been this emotionally wrung out since I wrote, You Are My Armour. But it's that cathartic kind of wrung out.
> 
> This was inspired by a wonderful fic that is linked above, written for the, Get Those Things Away From Me, prompt. That one is wonderfully fluffy and I highly recommend reading it. This one is a kind of alternative to that one if you like. Similar but with a lot of angst. And a lot of fluff. And smut. Anywho, read the other one too, it's awesome.
> 
> Also, I've been really trying to improve my writing a lot lately and have been trying a few things out. Mostly playing around with tenses. This one is mostly present tense but there is some past in there too. I've tried something new, putting the past tense into italics as a sort of flashback. If y'all would be so kind can you let me know what you think in the comments? Is it readable? is it lame? does it distract from the story? I can't improve if I don't have feedback so I'd love to know your thoughts please and thank you.

Alec shucks his shirt off as he creeps into Magnus’ bedroom, his pants and socks quickly following until he’s just left in his boxers. The room is dark, with only the light from the city filtering through the open curtains to light it. 

Magnus’ soft snores filter through the room, making Alec smile. It means he will have a little time. When he reaches the bed, his smile widens. They are already waiting for him. He doesn’t even need to pull the covers back.

Alec slides into bed, already sighing with relief when Magnus’ tentacles slide around him and tuck him in. “Hey, babies,” he whispers, nestling into their warm embrace. He wraps his arms around one blue tentacle, nuzzling into it.

When Magnus moans in his sleep, Alec holds his breath. He doesn’t know why; Magnus can usually sleep through anything. Guilt rears up when Magnus settles once more and relief floods him. All he wants is a little bit of time with them before Magnus takes them away.

“I missed you today,” Alec whispers to the tentacles that are all vying for his attention. There are four of them, each tentacle deeply loving and affectionate. Just like they always do when he returns from patrol, they glide over his body, as though checking to make sure he is okay. The love they have for him melts his heart.

Alec shouldn’t treasure this time as much as he does. The time where Magnus sleeps obliviously next to him and he gets to be with Magnus’ tentacles. But he can’t help it. He loves them. If Magnus ever found out… well, he doesn’t want to think about that.

Part of Alec feels like he is cheating on Magnus with Magnus’ own body parts. Another part of him is hurt that Magnus doesn’t trust him enough to consciously let his tentacles out. Yet another part of him admonishes himself for thinking like that. He is sure there is a good reason that Magnus hasn’t actually shown him his tentacles.

Although, Alec can’t quite figure out what that reason would be. He takes comfort in the tentacle that wraps around his arm from elbow to wrist, the tip resting in his palm. Another brushes over his lips and he pouts them out, his brain telling him to stop, his body ignoring the command.

_ The first time that Alec had met Magnus’ tentacles will forever be seared into his brain. Who could forget something like that? They had been dating for a month and things had finally progressed to him staying the night at Magnus’ apartment. They hadn’t had sex yet but they had started sleeping in the same bed now and then if they got back late from a date or if they had stayed in and lost track of time. _

_ They hadn’t even really experimented. Up until the night that Alec had met the tentacles, it had been heavy make-out sessions, barely even touching over their clothing. By the time they did first have sex, another month later, it was already too late. Alec was already in love with Magnus’ tentacles.  _

_ Because that first time, the first time Alec had ever made love to another person, wasn’t the first time he had met them. _

_ The first time, Alec had had to carry Magnus to bed. His boyfriend had spent three exhausting days helping Catarina figure out what had been infecting warlocks all over the city. It had taken them days to find out and create a potion that would stop the killing disease. _

_ In that time, Magnus and Catarina had barely eaten and hadn’t slept at all, keeping themselves awake with potions and sheer willpower. When the cure had been found and administered, Magnus had called him, delirious from lack of sleep. _

_ So Alec had rushed over to Catarina’s place and brought Magnus home in a cab. He’d had to carry Magnus into the loft because his boyfriend had passed out in the back of the cab.  _

_ When Alec had lain Magnus on the bed and started stripping Magnus’ clothes off to tuck him in, there they were. Four blue tentacles, all trying to get to him, almost as tired as Magnus himself. He had flipped Magnus over, inspecting the tentacles that sprouted from his back, dumbfounded.  _

_ It hadn’t taken long for Alec to get used to them. After he had tucked Magnus in, the tentacles had gripped onto him when he turned to leave, to go sleep on the couch. After all, he had only stayed over at the loft a couple of times at this point in their relationship and didn’t know if Magnus would be okay with him sharing the bed without asking.  _

_ But the tentacles had wrapped around Alec’s wrists and knees, clinging on. The only way he would have been able to leave was if he had pried them off, something he couldn’t bring himself to do. The tentacles were clearly as exhausted as the rest of Magnus, shaking with fatigue against him but their grip had been tight. _

_ So Alec had curled up next to Magnus and got to know his tentacles. _

_ Maybe if Alec hadn’t been so desperate for contact with another living entity, he wouldn’t have gotten so attached to them. But they had curled around him, explored his body while Magnus continued to snore away. Just being touched, having warm skin on his own had been enough to cement his adoration of them and vice versa.  _

_ Alec had spent the entire night with the tentacles nuzzling into him, curling around his arms and waist, stroking through his hair, pushing into his hand. As pathetic as it was, it was what he had been craving for years.  _

_ It wasn’t even sexual. The tentacles had stayed away from his ass and dick, as though they had instinctually known that it would be inappropriate. But Magnus had been so careful with him, pulling back when their kisses became too heated, barely any skin contact, not even any drunken under-the-shirt groping. And there had been no one before Magnus. _

_ Alec had told himself not to get attached to the feeling of being held so tightly, so securely. Not that it did any good. That first night, he fell asleep, cocooned in their warm, gentle embrace and slept better than he had in years. _

_ When Alec had woken the next morning, it was to find the other side of the bed empty and the shower running. He had asked himself why Magnus had never mentioned the tentacles before. Which was ridiculous. They had only been dating for a month. It wasn’t like Magnus knew every single thing about him.  _

_ So Alec had waited for Magnus to be done in the shower, so they could talk about the tentacles. Only, when Magnus had emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed and not an extra appendage in sight, Magnus had acted like they didn’t exist. _

_ Alec had waited and waited but Magnus never brought them up. It left him wondering if Magnus was hiding them. If that was the case, then he wouldn’t want to be the one to bring it up. So he hadn’t said anything either. Only, the next time he stayed over, the tentacles had emerged as soon as Magnus had fallen asleep. _

_ And the next time Alec stayed. And the next. And he had fallen more and more in love with the tentacles every time they curled around him. Each time he stayed over, he would wake in the morning to find Magnus already up, showering or making breakfast but they never talked about it. _

_ One time, Alec had woken before Magnus, close to dawn, and found Magnus’ tentacles slithering from around his body, disappearing into Magnus’ body a couple of minutes before Magnus had woken. That was the day he realized that Magnus had no idea that he was cuddling up to the tentacles every night. _

_ Once they had started having sex, two months into the relationship, Alec had hoped that Magnus would address the issue, maybe even bring the tentacles out during love-making. But he never did. And although Alec was now getting that intimacy and affection from Magnus that he had always craved from another living soul, he found that he still loved being held by his tentacles after Magnus fell asleep.  _

_ Sure, Alec never had any complaints when it came to their sex life. Magnus was just as loving and affectionate as the tentacles were. But those hours when he and the tentacles were alone was something he lived for. It felt like he was truly getting every part of Magnus, even if Magnus didn’t know it. It was a wretched situation but he was terrified that Magnus would be angry and that was something that he never wanted. _

_ Five months into the relationship, Alec had started staying over at the loft four or five times a week, curled into the tentacles’ loving embrace each night. Magnus had given him a key for the nights when he had been on a late patrol and he had started spending less and less time at the lonely Institute, like an addict, craving their next fix. _

That had been a month ago.

  
  


Now, six months into their relationship, Magnus has never brought them up and he has never asked. He doesn’t know whether Magnus was born with the tentacles, or if they are the result of a backfiring spell or potion. Or even a curse placed upon Magnus by another. All he knows is that he is completely and utterly in love with every part of Magnus Bane that exists. 

After so long, Alec doesn’t know how to broach the subject. What is he supposed to do? Tell Magnus that he has been snuggling into his tentacles every possible chance he gets? 

What Alec does know, is that they can’t go on like this. Even as he once again curls into the tentacles’ embrace, he knows it is unhealthy. They are both clearly lying to each other, hiding things and he knows that it will break them if they don’t start being honest. But he can’t give Magnus up, can’t give any part of Magnus up. Never in his life had he expected to find someone that he loves so fiercely.

So like a coward, Alec pushes his worries away. He presses a chaste kiss to the tip of the tentacle that he clutches to his chest. 

“I love you,” Alec whispers to Magnus’ tentacles before sleep finally claims him, exhausted from a long, boring patrol. A smile plays over his lips as he sinks into unconsciousness when the tentacles all quiver against him at his words.

It’s only a few moments later- or what feels like it to Alec- when something drags him back from the deep sleep he desperately needs. He must have been deeply under because he is disorientated and groggy when his eyes snap open. 

The first clue that Alec has, that something is wrong, is when he realizes that the tentacles are writhing around him, shuddering against his skin. Before the pained moan that reaches his ears registers. It is coming from Magnus. 

Alec’s heart sinks when he realizes Magnus is having a nightmare, thrashing about next to him. He reaches for the lamp, fully intending to wake Magnus but there is no need when Magnus sits bolt upright next to him.

“Alexander!” Magnus yelps, snapping the lights on in an instant to chase away the darkness that had invaded his dreams once more. Sweat pours down his face and back as he reaches out, momentarily blinded by the suddenly bright light, to reassure himself that Alec is still there with him. That Alec hasn’t left him. 

Horror fills Magnus when his hand lands on one of his tentacles instead of Alec’s arm. With dread curling in his gut, he turns, squinting at Alec, his stomach lurching when he sees the fear in Alec’s eyes. His tentacles are wrapped tightly around Alec’s body.

“No! No no no! Alexander, I’m so sorry,” Magnus gasps out, trying to wrench his tentacles back. They hold on, stubbornly, refusing to let go. It has been harder and harder to control them lately. He should have seen this coming, had seen it coming in the beginning. And now, Alec finally knows.

“Magnus, are you okay?” Alec asks, reaching out to place his hand on Magnus’ cheek. The fear that had filled him when Magnus woke intensifies when Magnus flinches back from his touch. Why had he thought Magnus would never find out? Why had he even entertained the idea that this would never happen?

“I… I can... I’m so sorry,” Magnus says, fear stealing his voice until it’s just a whisper. No matter how hard he grips and yanks them, the tentacles refuse to release Alec.“Get off,” he snarls angrily at his tentacles, trying desperately to drag them away from Alec’s body.

“Magnus, please…” Alec starts, trying to reach out for Magnus once more.

“I’ll get them off you, just hold on,” Magnus mutters, trying not to cry as he tugs at another tentacle- this one wrapped around Alec’s leg- when the one wrapped around Alec’s waist refuses to let go. 

“Please don’t,” Alec says, almost begging. The devastation he sees on Magnus’ face is something he didn’t anticipate. Anger, maybe. Confusion even. But not this. This desperation and fear.

“What?” Magnus asks, his fingers going limp, his breath choking out of him. When Alec’s hand grips his, he flinches, knowing that it will only be a matter of time before Alec looks at him with disgust, rather than the love he usually finds in Alec’s eyes.

“Please don’t take them away,” Alec asks, his fingers encircling Magnus’ wrist when Magnus tries to pull away once more. 

“You… you know about…?” Magnus tries to back away but Alec is holding on as tightly as his tentacles hold Alec.

“About your tentacles?” Alec finishes for him, his stomach twisting when Magnus’ expression transforms from fear and disbelief to self-loathing. It is like a punch in the gut.

“How long?” Magnus asks, shuddering at the thought of Alec knowing. He can barely draw breath. This is it. This is when Alec tells him he is a monster and bails, just like the others.

“Five months,” Alec breathes. He doesn’t want to admit it, to admit that he has been lying all this time. But he can’t pretend they don’t exist when Magnus asks him outright like that. And honestly, he doesn’t want to. He hates hiding things from Magnus. Hates himself for it.

“But you’re still… why are you still here?” Magnus asks, staring at Alec, unable to comprehend why Alec hasn’t left him far behind. 

“What do you mean? Why wouldn’t I be here?” Alec asks, patting the tentacles. “It’s okay, babies,” he whispers, stroking over the quivering tentacles until they loosen and allow him to sit up. Although, they stay wrapped around him.

_ Because I’m a monster _ , Magnus thinks. He doesn’t say it, too busy staring at the way Alec comforts his tentacles. At the way they are comforted, by Alec. He remembers a time when he was comforted by the presence of his tentacles. When they were a part of himself that he cherished when he had nothing and nobody else. That had been centuries ago. Before others had taught him that they were something to be feared.

“Why wouldn’t I be here?” Alec asks again, shuffling until he is closer to Magnus, even though Magnus tries to turn away. “Why didn’t you tell me about them?” he asks, tugging Magnus’ face back around to look into his eyes.

“Because I hate them! Because they’ve ruined my life. Ruined every good thing that has ever come along,” Magnus cries, angrily fighting back the tears that threaten to spill over. “They make me a monster. One day I will finally find a way to get rid of them and then I’ll be free to live a normal life,” he yells, unable to stop himself.

“You can’t!” Alec cries, gripping both of Magnus’ wrists when Magnus’ hands ball up into fists. His own tears spill over when he hears the self-hatred in Magnus’ voice. “You can’t get rid of them. Please, please don’t take them away from me,” he chokes out, tears spilling down his face unchecked.

“I _ hate _ them,” Magnus cries, sobbing the words over and over again until the words are just a whisper, struggling in Alec’s grip. He can barely bear to look at the tentacles.

Alec tries to stop Magnus from struggling, refusing to let go of Magnus’ wrists until he climbs on top of Magnus, staddling Magnus’ hips. He pins Magnus’ hands beneath his knees, taking Magnus’ face in his hands until Magnus is forced to look up at him.

“You are not a monster,” Alec says, his gaze boring into Magnus’. “You’re not a monster. You’re the most beautiful, kind, generous guy I’ve ever known. You’re everything I ever hoped I’d find in a person. I love you, more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. Every single part of you. I love them,” he says, leaning into the touch when one tentacle curls around the back of his neck and snakes up to press into his cheek like a kiss.

Magnus can’t muster the words to reply, shaking his head in denial. He stares up at Alec through the blur of his tears, his traitorous heart pounding in his chest. Nobody has ever said that they loved his tentacles before. Nobody has ever accepted them. No one.

“Why would you think that about yourself?” Alec asks when Magnus doesn’t say a word. “Who made you feel like this?” he asks, wishing that Magnus would open up. 

“Everyone,” Magnus whispers, leaning desperately into the touch when Alec’s thumbs sweep over his cheeks, wiping his tears away. As if it was that easy. “Everyone I ever loved ran as far away as they could get when they found out about them,” he admits.

“That’s why you didn’t tell me about them? Because you thought I would leave you?” Alec asks. When Magnus nods, his heart shatters. He has seen every expression he thought there was to see on Magnus’ face before. The vulnerability he sees in Magnus’ eyes now, however, hurts like a physical blow. 

Alec silently vows to himself then and there that he will be the man who makes Magnus love and accept every part of himself, even if it takes until his last breath leaves his body. Even if he has to find a way to live long enough to make Magnus see what he sees. However many years or decades or centuries that might take.

“I would never leave you. Not because of these,” Alec says, gathering the tentacles up in his arms. He holds them to his chest, pressing kisses to each one. “I love them, Magnus. I’ve loved them since the first time I saw them.”

“When?” Magnus asks, tugging his hands from beneath Alec’s knees. They are slightly numb and he doesn’t know what to do with them. His legs are starting to turn numb too from Alec’s heavy weight on top of him but he doesn’t dare move, too scared that Alec will come to his senses and bolt. So he just watches Alec, letting his hands fall onto the mattress either side of Alec’s calves where Alec straddles him.

“When you and Catarina cured the demon pox that struck all those warlocks down. You were exhausted, passed out. They wrapped around me and I’d never felt anything like it. Every time I stayed here since then, I’ve slept in their embrace,” Alec admits, wanting Magnus to know the truth.

Understanding dawns on Magnus. This is how Alec knows about them. 

“That night I must have been too exhausted to control them,” Magnus says realizing what must have happened. How had he not known? How had he not figured it out? “I was unaware that they had even escaped. When we first got together, my tentacles were desperate to meet you, as they always are when I’m with a new partner. 

“But after that night, they stopped trying to escape whenever you were around. It made me bolder, confident that my control over them had grown enough that I could relax my guard. Enough so that I stopped holding myself back so much,” Magnus admits, looking into Alec’s eyes. His boyfriend deserves to know the truth at the very least. 

“When we started having sex?” Alec asks, finally understanding why Magnus had been so reserved at the beginning of their relationship when Magnus nods. It wasn’t because Magnus was scared of pushing. Magnus had been protecting himself.

“I thought that I could control them enough to keep them in check. That they wouldn’t burst out of me and maul you the moment we were inside each other,” Magnus says, shuddering as memories of past relationships rear up. 

“That has happened more times than I can count, Alexander. The reactions from past lovers were always the same. Horror, revulsion, anger. Until I gave up. I gave up on physical relationships and had given up on trying to find someone who would love me and I hid them away,” Magnus sighs.

Then Alec had come along and gotten under his skin. Just lately, however, the tentacles have returned to trying to escape him whenever they make love to each other.

Magnus shakes his head. Even before they had been intimate, Alec had known about them. Alec had known about them  _ while  _ they had been intimate and had still chosen to give him his first time. And all of the times since. 

“Your past lovers were idiots. How could they not recognize what was right there in front of them?” Alec asks, wondering what kind of fools Magnus had dated in the past. 

“Your tentacles recognize someone who loves them unconditionally. They want more. That’s why they keep trying to escape. They want to be with me. And I want to be with them,” Alec says, looking Magnus in the eye before he presses a kiss to one of the tentacles, his fingers exploring.

Everything inside Magnus tells him to yank his tentacles away when Alec’s fingers brush up and down them- when Alec leans into his tentacles’ touch- just so he can keep Alec with him. This isn’t how it works. He doesn’t get to have this, someone who accepts his secondary warlock mark, someone who wants his tentacles.

“Can’t you feel that? Doesn’t it affect you at all?” Alec asks as he skims his fingers over Magnus’ tentacles, fingers swirling into the suckers and sweeping up to the tips. Magnus is just lying there, watching him warily, not even reacting to his touch. 

Alec doesn’t understand it. The tentacles are part of Magnus’ body. They react to stimulation the way the rest of Magnus’ body does when he touches him. He moves to brush his fingers over Magnus’ bicep. The muscle contracts, goosebumps erupting on Magnus’ arm. Magnus’ breathing turns heavier. But when he does the same with the tentacles, there’s no reaction whatsoever from Magnus. 

“I don’t feel anything,” Magnus says, looking away as shame wells up.

“Why?” Alec asks, tugging Magnus’ face back by his chin to search Magnus’ eyes. “They are part of you, aren’t they?” The tentacles curl around him, one wrapping around each arm, the other two curving over his legs to wrap around his ankles.

Magnus flinches when he feels his tentacles snake over his own legs before they wrap around Alec’s ankles. He still can’t understand how Alec isn’t dragging his clothes on and running for the Institute. When Alec refuses to look away, or flinch away from the touch of his tentacles, he decides to tell Alec the whole truth.

Magnus never tells anyone of his past. The only people who know of their existence are his friends, Catarina and Ragnor. Ragnor also has two warlock marks; green skin, and horns. Neither of them has ever seen his tentacles, however. If they don’t see the tentacles, they won’t leave him. Now all he wants to do is purge the truth from his soul.

“I wasn’t born with them. They developed when my primary warlock mark did,” Magnus starts, his heart pounding. “They were all I had when... Mother… They comforted me. I loved them. But others didn’t. More people than I can count on my fingers and toes tried to kill me because of them when I was a child...”

Alec’s stomach drops. He grips Magnus’ hand, threading their fingers together with his left while he grips the tentacle that is wrapped around his right arm when it slides into his palm.

“... As I got older, matured into adulthood it got worse. I had learned to glamour them by then, learned how to keep them hidden inside me. People were not kind to those who were different in the middle ages. As an adult, I was faced with something I hadn’t anticipated as a child. Physical intimacy. Or rather, what would happen when I was intimate with another.”

Magnus has to fight off the memories of his tentacles exploding through his glamour, eager to meet the first mundane girl who had captured his attention and his heart. The second her eyes had landed on them, she had screamed, had gathered her clothes up and ran to her father. They had gathered the villagers… it had happened again, and again. 

That’s how Magnus had invented the portal. In a desperate bid to escape an angry mob, he had thrown his magic out. When a swirling vortex had appeared in front of him, he had thoughtlessly thrown himself through it, just trying to escape.

“Every time I got close to anyone, they would see the monster. My tentacles wanted to be free, to touch and show their affection. It always felt so nice, warm skin beneath my tentacles... Unfortunately, my partners couldn’t accept that. It was worse when I went with other warlocks. They had marks of their own but they still recoiled...” Magnus trails off. 

Alec just shakes his head. Nothing feels as good as Magnus’ tentacles on his bare skin, he lives for the sensation. Well, nothing is a strong word. But the tentacles are an extension of Magnus and he will never get enough of being touched by Magnus.

“It took a full century for me to have enough control over them to have my first real relationship. It didn’t last, none of them ever did. It felt too good when I was intimate with anyone and my tentacles would make an appearance, eventually. So I…” Magnus can’t finish. His eyes slam closed so he doesn’t have to look at Alec.

“So you?” Alec prompts, hating that Magnus won’t look at him. He leans forward and presses a kiss to each of Magnus’ closed eyelids until they open.

“I grew to hate them, Alexander. The comfort that they had once brought me, the pleasure I felt when I touched someone with them… It… I started looking for a way to get rid of them, searched every text and book and scroll I could lay my hands on. I never found a way to get rid of them but I found a spell…”

Alec’s stomach churns. It sounds to him as though Magnus used to feel things with his tentacles. “What did you do?” he asks, trying to keep any accusation from his voice. While he can’t understand why the people from Magnus’ past couldn’t accept Magnus the way he was, he can understand what it is like to be lonely. Not to have another living soul touch you.

“The spell cuts my tentacles off. Or, the feeling, I should say,” Magnus admits, looking up into Alec’s eyes. “They are as sensory as my fingertips. I used to be able to feel things with them, like touching someone with my fingers. And I used to be able… my tentacles are like people. They feel emotion. I used to be able to sense what they felt. Until I performed the spell on myself. Now there’s nothing.”

“That’s why you never knew that your tentacles escaped every night? Why you never knew that they wrap around me whenever I sleep here?” Alec asks, understanding dawning when Magnus confirms it. He has never understood why Magnus never wakes up when he touches or is touched by the tentacles.

“There’s no sensation,” Magnus says, watching Alec press a kiss to one sad-looking tentacle. He doesn’t feel it. Not even Alec’s breath on his skin. “They have been easier to control since then. Enough so that I could have relationships again. They would make an appearance eventually if I was physically or magically exhausted, and chase my partners off. But for those few months or years, I managed to keep them hidden.”

Alec doesn’t even try to stop the tears that fill his eyes. He lets them roll down his cheeks unabated. Magnus would rather cut one of his senses off, mutilate himself, than face rejection again. 

“When I woke up that morning after you brought me home from Catarina’s, they were still locked away inside me, or so I had thought. The entire time I was in the shower, I was waiting for you to burst in and tell me I was a freak. I almost didn’t make it out of the shower. When I came out here and you didn’t say anything about them, I thought that for once they hadn’t escaped while I didn’t have the energy to keep them hidden.”

“Is there a way…?” Alec has to clear his throat, gripping Magnus’ hand and tentacle tightly. “Is there a way to reverse the spell? For you to feel things with your tentacles?” he asks, praying to the angel that whatever Magnus has done to himself isn’t permanent.

Magnus seriously considers lying to Alec. He knows, with a certainty that he feels in his gut, what Alec will ask him if he admits the truth. And he doesn’t know if he can handle that. But he’s tired of lying. Hates that he has lied to Alec for their entire relationship.

Alec takes hold of Magnus’ hands when he sees the look of uncertainty in Magnus’ eyes. He raises them to his head, pressing Magnus’ fingers to his temples. “Do that memory thing,” he says when Magnus lifts an eyebrow in question. He has seen Magnus pluck memories from his own and other people’s heads.

It takes Magnus a moment to understand what Alec is asking. When he figures it out, he focuses his magic and pulls the memories from the forefront of Alec’s mind. The memories play out like a movie above their heads. 

Magnus watches Alec snuggle with the tentacles, watches Alec talk to them, kiss them, hold them close when they tremble. He watches the tentacles explore Alec, snuffling through his hair, snaking over his body. He sees Alec relax into them instead of batting them away or jumping back from them. He doesn’t understand any of it, it’s too much of a juxtaposition with everything that he has known before Alec.

“When they touch me… when they hold me, I feel safe and loved. They cherish me, Magnus. They own me every part of me, comfort me after a hard day. They embrace me, wrap me up tightly and soothe me. I love them. And they love me. They flourish under my touch,” Alec says, watching the memories, letting a tentacle unwind from around his arm to brush at his cheek.

“I need you to feel what I feel,” Alec says, meeting Magnus’ gaze. “It’s the only way you’ll understand why I love them, why it is so important to let yourself feel. You can’t continue to shut them out. They need to be loved, just as much as you do.”

Magnus looks at his tentacles, his stomach lurching. He hasn’t even thought about it like that. That his tentacles need love, need to be touched and held. It’s been so long since he’s thought of them as part of himself instead of a separate entity. But they haven’t let go of Alec since the moment he had awoken from his nightmare to be plunged into a new one. 

They haven’t touched Magnus, knowing better than to try. Has he really been denying his tentacles the love that he so desperately craves for himself? Has he been doing to them what others have done to him? He takes a deep shuddering breath. Of course, he has. He has treated them the way everyone else has. That realization breaks his heart.

“The spell is like a glamour. Except I only have to cast it once then I can forget about indefinitely. It isn’t something that I have to consciously hold in place. It’s just there,” Magnus admits, shoving the words out past the lump in his throat.

“Can you drop it- like you do with your glamour?” Alec asks, hope surging through him. “Please drop it,” he asks when Magnus nods.

Magnus panics for a moment when faced with the thought of dropping the spell. It is like a security blanket that he’s worn for the last two hundred years, protecting him. But Alec holds so much hope and love in his eyes that he draws strength from his boyfriend. 

A sob escapes Magnus when he digs deep and releases the spell. Everything floods him at once, the sensation of air on his tentacles, the feeling of Alec’s skin beneath them, the absolute love and devotion that his tentacles feel for Alec. They surge up when he reconnects with them, overwhelming him. It’s too much all at once.

Alec leans over Magnus when he panics and starts struggling, blanketing Magnus’ body with his own. He pushes his hands under Magnus’ torso, gripping Magnus tightly, wrapping himself around his boyfriend like the tentacles do to him. Blood rushes into his legs, sending pins and needles through them when he takes his weight off them but he doesn’t care.

Magnus struggles for a moment, too swamped with feelings of relief and joy and sadness from his tentacles to do anything else. Then his arms wrap around Alec’s back and he clings on for dear life, praying he doesn’t float away on the sea of dizzying emotion that he has been cast out onto.

Magnus’ tentacles wrap around Alec too, grazing his arms as they slide home, making him flinch. It only makes him cry harder when he feels Alec’s skin with his tentacles. And when Alec doesn’t push them away or shudder with revulsion. 

“I love you, Magnus Bane. I love every part of you,” Alec whispers in Magnus’ ear where his face is buried. The need to remind Magnus of his love pushes him to sit up but Magnus clings on. “I love you,” he says, meeting Magnus’ gaze when they sit up together, him still straddling Magnus, chest to chest. 

Reaching, up, Alec pushes Magnus’ bangs back and presses his lips to Magnus’ forehead and nose. “I love you. Do you understand that? Every single part of you,” he whispers, again and again, between kisses, kissing Magnus’ cheeks and chin, his jaw, and lips.

Magnus lets his eyes drift closed, tears snaking out from beneath his lids, the soft breath on his face is almost too much but he clings to Alec, fingers pressing into Alec’s back. He opens his eyes when Alec kisses his lids, staring up at Alec.

When his boyfriend just stares up at him with a mixture of vulnerability and hope in his eyes, Alec takes one of Magnus’ tentacles in his hand, letting his fingers skim over the tip. When Magnus shudders, he presses a kiss to it. “Every part,” he says before driving the point home with another kiss.

Magnus almost loses his mind. After two centuries, he  _ feels  _ it. Feels the sensation of Alec’s calloused fingers on the skin of his tentacle. Feels Alec’s warm breath and plump lips. He feels the desire and love that his tentacle feels for Alec. The sensations and emotions surge through him like a tidal wave that he can’t control.

Alec refuses to look away from Magnus’ eyes when he trails a line of kisses down Magnus’ tentacle. When he reaches the small suckers that increase in size the closer to the base they get, he presses his lips to each one before blowing a stream of air into the cup-shaped protrusions. 

Alec already knows how sensitive Magnus’ tentacles are. While Magnus might not have been able to feel it, the tentacles had always reacted the same way the rest of Magnus’ body does. And while he has never touched them in any kind of sexual way, he has kissed them countless times. He has felt the shiver that runs through them at his touch or kisses.

Magnus buries his face in Alec’s chest when Alec’s fingers reach the base of his tentacle, gasping for breath. He tries to ground himself with the scratch of Alec’s chest hair against his nose but it’s no use. Nobody has ever touched his tentacles like this. 

Magnus has never known pleasure like it, hasn’t ever realized how good it would feel. For too many years he has associated his tentacles with hate and fear. The touch is so gentle, the sensations that radiate through him so strong that it almost has his lungs giving out. 

“Let me make love to you,” Alec whispers in Magnus’ ear, praying that he isn’t going too far. Right now, all he wants to do is show Magnus how much he loves and desires Magnus just as he is.

Magnus pulls back, his head snapping up to meet Alec’s gaze. The wide pupils that meet his own leave him more breathless than Alec’s touch does. Raw desire flashes in Alec’s beautiful eyes, something he never thought he would see while his tentacles were on display. Something he hadn’t dared hope would happen in the last two centuries. Hell, in the last four centuries.

Something snaps in Magnus. Maybe it’s the fact that he is so desperate for acceptance. Or maybe it’s just that he hasn’t felt anything for so long. Alec hasn’t let go of him or his extra appendages since he has woken. Since Alec has woken him up.

Whatever it is, Magnus surges forward to claim Alec’s lips, his eyes screwing up when his tentacles surge forward too and fear flares in his gut. When Alec holds him at the bases of two of his tentacles, his breathing turns shallow. Alec’s thumbs dipping into the bottommost suckers steals his ability to breathe.

Alec lets go of one of Magnus’ tentacles to hold Magnus’ head to him when he feels Magnus’ lips turn hesitant against his own, his fingers sliding around the back of Magnus neck as licks at Magnus’ bottom lip. He doesn’t hesitate when Magnus opens up, pushing his tongue into Magnus’ mouth. And he doesn’t let go of Magnus’ other tentacle.

Alec trails his fingers over the appendage, dragging them up to the sensitive tip. A smile threatens to break the kiss when the tentacle shivers in his hand. When Magnus’ entire body shivers against him.

Magnus drags air in through his nose, sensations rocking through him from Alec’s fingers wrapping around the tip of his tentacle. He pulls the others back when he feels them reaching for Alec, not used to people reacting like this to them. Old habits are hard to break.

“Don’t hold back on me,” Alec pants against Magnus’ lips, pressing his forehead to Magnus’ to get his breath back. “Touch me, Magnus,” he says breathlessly.

Magnus does touch him, hands wandering up Alec’s tighs to grip his hips. A shudder runs through him when Alec strokes his tentacle. It’s like he’s jerking it off with the lightest caress, his tentacle pressing into the touch, shuddering in Alec’s hand.

Alec takes Magnus’ hand and presses it to his dick. “Do you feel how much I want you while you’re like this? While your tentacles are out?” he asks, pushing against Magnus’ hand. When Magnus nods and curls his fingers, thankfully looking into his eyes, he continues. “Then touch me.” 

Magnus just blinks at Alec. It’s all he can do. Alec  _ wants _ his tentacles,  _ wants  _ to feel them on his skin. Even after the things Alec has said, he still can’t quite believe it.

“Touch me here,” Alec says, taking the tentacle and pressing it to his inner thigh. He drags the tip of it up his leg, letting the suckers drag over his skin. “And here,” he says, taking another tentacle and pressing it to his chest. “Let yourself feel it,” he says, taking a third tentacle and pulling it around his waist.

Magnus moans when the sensations rock through him, desire and need curling through him. The tentacles are ecstatic, relishing the feel of Alec’s skin. He has the feeling that Alec has never touched them like this or that they have never touched Alec quite like this. 

“More,” Alec says, trying not to sound too demanding and failing miserably. Taking the last tentacle in hand, he presses it to his lips, feeling it shake in his hand when his breath runs over it. 

When the tentacles that are touching him start moving, Alec rolls his body, pushing into the tentacle that runs up his inner thigh, the one that snakes over his ass, arching into the sucker that tugs at his nipple. His tongue darts out, flicking over the tip of the tentacle that he holds to his lips.

“Is it too much?” Magnus asks, the words breathless and needy. He loses sight of Alec for a moment when his eyes roll up, all of his muscles contracting at once when he feels Alec’s tongue on his tentacle. “Fuck!” he pants, goosebumps erupting on his skin. “You have to tell me if it’s…”

“Not enough,” Alec mutters, his voice low and husky. Burying his face in Magnus’ neck, he noses Magnus’ head up to press kisses to his neck. Every time a tentacle explores a little more, he sucks at Magnus’ skin, listening to Magnus gasp for breath each time.

Magnus’ fingers curl into Alec’s hair, his mind numb from the pleasure he feels everywhere. When Alec pushes at his shoulders, he allows his boyfriend to lie him down, looking up at Alec when his head hits the pillow. 

Alec shifts off of Magnus’ hips, crawling between his legs instead. Blood rushes into his legs once more when he takes the pressure off of his knees for a moment but he doesn’t care when Magnus’ legs drape over his thighs, digging into his hips slightly when he presses another sucking kiss to Magnus’ hammering pulse point.

When Alec’s lips reach his collarbone, Magnus’ fingers curl into his hair once more, his legs tightening their grip on Alec’s waist. Not even realizing what he is doing, he sends his last tentacle out to trail down Alec’s spine, feeling every knob of bone along the way. Alec’s reactions are breathtaking, his boyfriend leaning into the touch. 

It has been a long time since Magnus has felt his tentacles’ emotions but he can’t remember them ever being this happy. They are practically purring, vibrating with pleasure against Alec’s skin.

Alec grazes his teeth over Magnus’ nipple, sucking it in when Magnus arches into the touch. When Magnus’ fingers tighten in his hair, he flicks his tongue over the solid bud, moaning as deeply as Magnus when the tentacle in his hair pushes him closer to Magnus’ body. 

Continuing with the light swipes of his tongue and the harder graze of his teeth, Alec makes his way across Magnus’ chest, sucking Magnus’ other nipple into his mouth. It has the desired effect, Magnus’ legs wrapping around his back. It only makes him suck harder.

Magnus rocks his hips against Alec, his cock grinding against Alec’s stomach. He can’t help it, he needs the friction. He does it again when Alec’s hand pushes under his ass and pulls his hips higher. His eyes screw up when Alec meets him with a roll of his own body, rubbing against his desperate cock.

Alec rocks his body into Magnus, again and again, until he feels a damp patch of pre-cum stain Magnus’ boxers against his stomach. The shake of Magnus’ thighs around him tells him Magnus is close so he eases off. He has no intention of this being over so soon. Releasing Magnus’ ass, he lays his boyfriend down on the bed again and breaks the hold of Magnus’ legs, shuffling further down the bed.

“Please?” Magnus begs when he feels Alec’s lips turn tentative as they move to his abs. With the single word, Alec sucks a kiss into his top left ab that will probably mark but he doesn’t have it in him to care. When Alec moves to his top right ab and pauses again, his eyes spring open, head snapping down to meet Alec’s gaze.

“More,” Magnus asks, staring into Alec’s beautiful eyes until his boyfriend does it again, sucking at his skin, marking it. Every slow kiss that he has to plead for bites into his skin, wrecking him, making him desperate for more until his entire body is as taut as a wire.

It’s hard for Magnus to keep track of what his tentacles are doing. The wet, hot kisses on his body, Alec kissing every muscle and rib, drive him to distraction. So much so that he doesn’t realize what the tentacle that is wrapped around Alec’s thigh is doing until it’s too late.

“Yes, just like that, Magnus,” Alec moans into Magnus’ stomach when the tentacle on his thigh snakes under the hem of his boxers. He can feel how much the tentacle wants to touch him and how hesitant Magnus is to allow it.

Alec lifts his head, waiting until Magnus looks down at him, when Magnus finally meets his gaze, magnificent golden eyes blazing with need, he tugs the tentacle from around his leg and pushes it into the waistband of his boxers, never looking away from Magnus’ eyes. 

Alec needs Magnus to see how much he wants it but his movements are slow, giving Magnus a chance to pull back. As much as he needs Magnus to see that he is desirable like this, Magnus has to be comfortable. 

Two centuries is a long time, Alec knows that. And he knows that it could all be too much at any time. He is desperate for Magnus’ touch but he’s ready to stop it all at any moment. It’s a fine line to tread but it’s for Magnus that he is doing this, so that Magnus knows he is free to be himself, to embrace himself. If it takes a lifetime or ten, he will make Magnus realize just how beautiful his tentacles are.

Magnus brushes his tentacle over Alec’s cock when Alec nods emphatically, watching Alec’s eyes screw up. Not with disgust or fear, but with absolute, unadulterated pleasure. Flicking his tentacle lower when he sees how shallow Alec’s breathing is, he traces the tip of it over Alec’s sac and up the underside of Alec’s cock in the constricted space.

“...feels so good,” Alec pants, snapping his hips forward when the tentacle curls around his cock. “You don’t know how much I’ve wanted this. How long I’ve wanted you. All of you,” he says, grazing his teeth across the sensitive skin of Magnus’ abdomen, just above the waistband of Magnus’ boxers. 

Magnus doesn’t have to ask this time. When his boyfriend tugs the waistband of his boxers down, he pushes up, desperate for any part of Alec that he can get on his cock. The tiny lick that alec flicks over the slit of his dick almost undoes him. He plants his feet in the mattress and lifts his ass so Alec can pull his boxers off.

Alec almost forgets what he’s doing when Magnus’ tentacle tightens around his cock, stroking his entire length but he focuses, tossing Magnus’ boxers on the floor. Licking the beads of pre-cum off of Magnus’ dick, letting the taste of his boyfriend explode on his tongue, he tugs the tentacle that is pawing at his chest and stomach.

“Lube, top drawer,” Alec tells the tentacle, pressing a kiss to it before letting it go. When he sees it snaking out toward the nightstand, he turns his attention to the needy looking cock that twitches in front of him. 

Magnus can’t stop himself from pushing toward Alec’s mouth when he feels the hot air of Alec’s breath on his dick. A low, husky moan escapes him when Alec takes hold of him at the base and brushes the head of his cock over his plump lips, back and forth, maddeningly gentle.

The teasing is almost unbearable for Magnus, his head pushing back into the pillow but it’s the best kind of teasing. He has to hold himself still when all he wants to do is push into Alec’s mouth.

Eventually, Alec relents, swirling his tongue over the head of Magnus’ cock before sucking him in. He massages the sensitive glans with his tongue, feeling the reassuring weight on his tongue, tasting the perfect taste that is purely Magnus and moans for it. He isn’t ashamed to admit that he loves sucking cock so he takes more in, hollowing his cheeks when he pulls back before sinking down again. 

Without any instruction from Magnus, two of his tentacles surge forward, burying themselves in Alec’s hair. It’s like he has no control of them and a lick of fear curls through him when they push Alec’s head down but Alec only moans louder as he sinks further onto his cock. The sound rings in his ears, making his cock twitch.

Magnus strokes Alec faster with his third tentacle when Alec’s head starts bobbing, smearing pre-cum over the head of Alec’s dick when it starts leaking steadily under his tentacle. The fourth tentacle finally manages to get the drawer open. It pulls out the bottle of lube they keep in the nightstand drawer and delivers it to Alec. 

Alec takes the bottle, dropping it on the bed but keeps hold of the tentacle when it pushes into his hand. Wrapping his fingers around the appendage, he works it with his hand, listening to Magnus’ breath turn even shallower. When another tentacle leaves his hair and pushes into his other hand, he starts working that one over too.

“Alexander!” Magnus cries, his thighs shaking around Alec’s head. He can’t hold himself back, too overwhelmed by the sensations. Without thought, he pushes up, moaning when the head of his cock hits the back of Alec’s throat.

Looking down at Alec is the last straw for Magnus. Seeing Alec suck his dick and work two of his tentacles at the same time, his tentacles pushing into Alec’s hands as hard as he is pushing into Alec’s throat drags his orgasm up from his balls. He spills down the back of Alec’s throat with a shuddering whimper that he couldn’t claw back if he wanted to.

Alec swallows every drop that Magnus gives him, flicking his thumbs over the tips of Magnus’ tentacles as he does. The salty, bitter taste of Magnus coats his tongue and throat, almost pulling his own orgasm out of him but he pulls his hips back, thanking the angel when the tentacle around his cock loosens at the movement.

Magnus panics for a minute when Alec jerks back from him, thinking that he has finally gone too far. His entire body still sings from his orgasm, his cock jerking when Alec pulls off it but his eyes zero in on Alec’s tongue flicking over his plump bottom lip before he looks up into Alec’s eyes and sees the desire still there. Alec’s blown pupils and reddened, slightly swollen lips are enough to keep him hard.

Alec sits back on his heels, breathing hard, his throat aching a little. He doesn’t look away as his hand blindly finds the bottle of lube next to his knee. Holding it up, he waits for the nod from Magnus before flipping the cap.

Magnus watches Alec, blown away by the fact that Alec wants him so much. The evidence is there, bulging in the front of Alec’s light gray boxers. The damp patch is large, only making him harder. His body is sensitive from his first orgasm but the need to have Alec inside him is all-consuming.

A grin lights Alec’s face up when two tentacles tug at the waistband of his boxers, sliding into the tight material. He lets them tug the material down until his cock springs free, long and solid, jutting against his abdomen. Pulling them off, he tosses them on the floor to join Magnus’ boxers.

“Do you see how much we want to be together?” Alec asks, lubing his dick and fingers while the tentacles skim over his hips and thighs. He almost loses his concentration when one of the tentacles skims up the inside of his thigh, exploring previously forbidden parts of his body, and trails over the crease where his groin meets his leg. The sensation is phenomenal but he catches Magnus’ nod.

Magnus can’t help but let his legs fall wide open. He has touched every part of Alec’s body with his hands but the way Alec reacts to his tentacles, touching him in that sensitive spot, and the way it feels under his tentacle is something else altogether. 

When Alec leans over him, hand buried in the pillow next to his head, Magnus looks up and meets his gaze. His thighs jerk when the cold lube swipes over his hole, Alec reaching down in the gap between their bodies to prepare him. A prayer of thanks to the angel is on the tip of his tongue when Alec doesn’t tease him this time. He’s wound so tight he doesn’t know if he could take it.

Alec noses Magnus’ face up and claims his lips as he pushes one finger into Magnus’ hole, breathing hard at the squeeze. Parting Magnus’ lips with a flick of his tongue, he claims the gasp for his own, unable to even close his eyes. He wants every reaction, wants to watch Magnus fall apart. 

So Alec watches, pressing kisses to Magnus’ parted lips, again and again, as Magnus’ eyes screw up, tiny ridges forming on the bridge of Magnus’ nose. The short, panting breaths that puff against his face as he pushes deeper into Magnus’ body are beautiful. When he is in up to the knuckles, he lets Magnus get used to it for a moment before twisting his finger in the tight space.

Magnus grips Alec’s wide shoulders, trying to ground himself. His tentacles cling just as hard to Alec’s back, suckering to his skin. The burn and the stretch as Alec fingers him open is everything he needs and not nearly enough, all in the same breath.

Pouting his lips up, again and again, chasing the kisses when Alec occasionally pulls back, Magnus moans as he takes a second finger. His legs move of their own accord, one foot buried deep in the mattress, the other sliding up Alec’s outer thigh. Wrapping his leg around Alec’s back when he loosens, he rolls his hips, needing more, trying to take it.

Alec twists his fingers as he fucks in and out of Magnus, smiling against Magnus’ lips whenever his boyfriend steals a kiss from him. He would happily give Magnus every one of his kisses if it means he gets to see those tension lines that radiate from Magnus eyes with each thrust. 

When Alec feels Magnus loose and clenching around his fingers, he pushes in a little deeper, rubbing at Magnus’ walls, curling his fingers until he finds it. Watching Magnus press his head back into the pillow, he knows he’s found Magnus’ prostate. Moving faster over the spot, he presses harder until Magnus starts moaning, gradually increasing the pace and pressure.

“Alexander… Alex… oh fuck,” Magnus gasps, barely able to scrape a sentence together. Pleasure radiates from Alec’s fingers as Alec rubs and rubs over his nerves, as though his Shadowhunter is brandishing his own form of magic. He can’t help but move in time with Alec’s fingers, chasing it as it builds.

“It’s too much,” Magnus gasps when Alec’s fingernails flick over the nerves in his ass, his hips and legs buckling, shying away from the pleasure that’s almost painful in its intensity. He gasps for breath when Alec relents and pulls his fingers out of him. The empty feeling has him surging up to slam his lips to Alec’s.

“Please fuck me,” Magnus begs against Alec’s lips, unable to stop his fingernails from digging into Alec’s shoulders. Without his permission, his tentacles pull Alec closer, two of them wrapping around Alec’s thighs to try and pull his hips down. It’s the first time in two centuries that he has agreed with them.

That’s all the encouragement Alec needs. Gripping his dick with his free hand, he spreads the lube that he had applied to it earlier, gripping himself at the base to find Magnus’ entrance. When Magnus’ tentacles dip between his thighs and tug, he slides home, slowly, savoring every clench around every inch that he pushes in. 

“Move, please,” Magnus moans, trying to roll his hips against Alec’s body. Every one of his nerves is lit up, pushing his desperation to the limit. Feeling Alec’s thick, solid dick inside his body has him losing control when their hips meet. Without the spell in place, he can’t control his tentacles.

All of Magnus’ tentacles surge up, trying to get closer to Alec, just like they always used to whenever he was joined with a partner. Two of them slither over Alec’s back, a third tightens its grip on Alec’s thigh, the fourth surges up to curl through Alec’s hair, brushing over his own chest and face in the process. It makes him flinch, an automatic response that is still ingrained into him.

As good as being inside Magnus feels- a flicker of sadness weighs Alec’s heart down when he sees Magnus’ reaction to the tentacle touching Magnus’ skin. While Magnus has been getting bolder, touching him more with his tentacles, his warlock has kept them away from himself.

“Touch yourself,” Alec says, pleading with his eyes for Magnus to let go of the tight hold he has over himself when he sees the effort Magnus is expending to take control of his extra limbs once more. The strain is there in Magnus’ neck.

Magnus stares up at Alec, shaking his head. He can’t. He knows Alec isn’t talking about his hands, that Alec wants him to touch himself with his tentacles but he just can’t. 

Alec moves when he sees Magnus’ shake of denial, Magnus’ eyes wide. Taking Magnus’ face in his hand, he presses his lips softly to Magnus’, looking into his boyfriend’s golden eyes. “Do you trust me?” he asks.

“Of course…” Magnus starts, staring up into Alec’s eyes before Alec’s thumb flicks over his lips.

“Then touch yourself,” Alec says, nodding when Magnus’ lips pout out to press a kiss to his thumb. 

Taking a deep breath, seeing the encouragement in Alec’s eyes, in the nod of his boyfriend’s head, Magnus unwinds one of his tentacles from around Alec’s back. For once, it behaves, following his silent command, as though it knows what he is about to do. He lets the tip of the tentacle trail over his cheek and down his neck, shuddering under his own touch.

The dual sensation of feeling his tentacle on his skin and feeling his skin with his tentacle is something Magnus hasn’t allowed in a long time. Sure, his tentacles have brushed his skin while they have been out but he hasn’t been able to feel anything with them for so long. And he always puts them away as soon as possible.

When Magnus’ tentacle reaches his chest, Alec rolls his hips, withdrawing slowly as he watches his boyfriend. Watching Magnus' tentacle flick over his nipple, he leans down and steals a kiss as he pushes back in, seeing how affected Magnus is by the touch. 

Just watching Magnus' eyes roll up, listening to his breathless hiss from the pleasure is enough to make Alec want to bury himself so deep inside his boyfriend that they won't know where one ends and the other begins. 

"So beautiful," Alec murmurs, pulling back out. His own eyelids flutter closed with the grip Magnus has on his dick. It's almost as breathtaking as watching Magnus explore himself. 

Magnus' legs tighten around Alec when his Shadowhunter pushes back into him, deeper this time, drawing a husky moan from him. Every movement of Alec's hips has his tentacle shuddering against his skin. All of his tentacles shuddering against both of them. His back arches off the bed when one of the suckers in his tentacle tugs at his nipple. 

Another of Magnus' tentacles releases its grip on Alec, sliding down his own leg instead. The tentacle is tentative at first, moving slowly, almost skittishly, as though it is scared he's going to force it back into his body. 

That's usually Magnus' first reaction. It still is. But Alec's nod calms him. Alec tells him with his eyes and touches that it’s okay to enjoy the sensations. It feels too good when the tentacle on his leg gets braver, curling between his and Alec's bodies where their thighs meet. 

"Tell me what it feels like," Alec says, pressing his lips to Magnus' neck as he pushes in with a steady rhythm. He can feel the tentacle creeping up the inside of Magnus' thigh, feels the friction on his own skin. A smile plays over his lips when Magnus widens his legs to give it room instead of clamping them closed. 

"It… It… feels good. Fuck! It feels so good," Magnus pants, tilting his head back when Alec's teeth graze his jaw. It does feel good, his suckers sticking and unsticking to his inner thigh. When Alec lifts off him slightly, his boyfriend angling his hips, the tentacle that teases his nipples slithers down his stomach. 

Magnus' abs contract when the tip of the tentacle flicks over them, more confident now that he hasn't put it away. His breathing turns even shallower, almost making him dizzy when the tentacle goes lower and flicks over the head of his dick. 

Magnus didn't consciously send it there. He isn't even sure if the tentacle was aiming for his dick but it pauses, quivering above him when a wave of pleasure crashes through him, Alec, fucking into his prostate. A shuddering moan escapes him when the tentacle does it again, flicking over the head of his dick, rubbing at his leaking slit. 

Alec picks up his pace, fucking harder into Magnus, driving deeper when he sees what the tentacle is doing to Magnus' cock. He can barely drag his eyes away or regain his concentration enough to move inside his boyfriend but a motion catches his eye.

Looking up, Alec watches a third tentacle snake its way around Magnus' arm, tugging it up until Magnus' arm is raised above his head. His heart melts when the tip of the tentacle pushes into Magnus' hand and he doesn't push it away. Magnus' fingers curl around it instead, holding it in his tight grasp. 

"Alexander," Magnus moans, rocking in time with Alec's hips when the tentacle at his cock curls around it. His eyes snap open, meeting Alec's gaze. He surges up to catch Alec's lips when he sees how much Alec is enjoying his pleasure, even as Alec tries to chase his own. 

Alec sinks into Magnus' kiss, breathing heavily when Magnus fucks into his mouth. He knows that his boyfriend is pushing into the tentacle’s grip every time Magnus rocks up to meet him. The thought of Magnus gaining pleasure from the tentacle has him reaching between their bodies, his hips slowing a little. 

Alec presses a sucker to the glans in Magnus’ cockhead, his own cock throbbing with need inside his boyfriend when Magnus whimpers as the sucker grips on. He holds the tentacle in place, rubbing it back and forth over the ridge of skin that joins Magnus’ foreskin to his cock, knowing that the nerves in that sensitive spot are lighting up under the touch.

Alec dearly wants to fuck Magnus hard when he feels Magnus' desperate breaths on his shoulder but he's too lost in seeing Magnus' reactions. In hearing them. 

Magnus buries his face in Alec's neck, his fingernails digging into Alec's ribs where he holds on. The pleasure is too much, especially when Alec thrusts deep inside him. The motion has Alec's dick sawing over his prostate, the double stimulation dragging him closer to the edge. Even if he tries to hold it back. 

"Just let yourself feel it," Alec pants, thrusting into Magnus' prostate, again and again. He picks up speed with his hips and his hand, forcing his own orgasm back. Magnus is tight around him. The fact that Magnus' fourth tentacle is rubbing at his ass crack, the tip of it rubbing behind his balls isn't helping. But it feels so damn good. 

"Cum for me, Magnus," Alec groans, breathless from the effort of holding his release back. 

"Alexander… Alexander," Magnus whines, his hips rutting desperately against Alec, pushing into the tentacle’s grip harder. It’s too much, all of it. His grip on the tentacle that is vibrating with his pleasure in his hand, tightens as he cums, his balls drawing up fast. He buries his face in Alec's neck once more as he grunts his release out, spilling all over his stomach and tentacle. 

"I love you," Alec moans, driving deep into Magnus' ass, finally letting himself cum. He grinds his cum into Magnus' ass, flooding him with a low, husky moan. 

"I love you too," Magnus manages to get out through the lump in his throat, doing his best not to choke the words out. He can't stop the shake of his body though. Aftershocks still run through him but it's the way his tentacles quiver against him, curling around him that makes him want to sob. They are so happy, almost too happy, overjoyed. 

"You did so well," Alec whispers when he pulls back and sees Magnus on the verge of tears. He smothers Magnus" face in kisses, holding his boyfriend to him. When the tentacle slithers out from between their bodies, he drapes himself over Magnus, blanketing his body as silent sobs wrack it. 

"It's okay, you're okay," Alec whispers, over and over again. He pulls out of Magnus, collapsing on his side. Wrapping his arms around Magnus' waist, he pulls his boyfriend close, letting Magnus bury his face in his chest. 

"I'm sorry," Magnus mutters, clinging onto Alec tightly. He isn't sure if the tentacles, wrapping around them both, snuggling into him and stroking through his hair makes it better or worse. They seem to have forgiven him, just like that. It's too much. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You were trying to protect yourself. They know that," Alec says, letting his fingers join the tentacle in Magnus' hair. He presses his lips to Magnus' head and to the tentacle when it flicks over his lips. "You can't keep shutting them out like that. They are such an important part of you," he says gently. 

Magnus pulls his head out of Alec's chest, looking up at his boyfriend. There's no judgment in Alec's eyes, no condemnation. "I'm so used to them not being there. I don't know if I can… I… I don't know…" 

"We can take it slow, go at your pace. You don't have to have them out all the time. Just don't shut them away as often. You can always let them out around me. Okay?" Alec asks, skimming his nose up the bridge of Magnus'. When Magnus reluctantly nods, he reaches up and wipes the tears from Magnus' face. 

"I can't promise anything. It’s going to take time," Magnus says, leaning into Alec's touch. His eyes float closed when one of his tentacles skims up and down Alec's back. The skin there is damp and sweaty but the tentacle relishes the feel of Alec's skin beneath it. 

Alec tucks Magnus' head into his neck, his fingers skimming over Magnus' shoulder. 

“It’s okay. One day you’ll love them as much as I do. One day, you’ll let them out with no reservations. You’ll want to let them out. You’ll want to show them off. You’ll let them explore me all over again on our wedding night. You’ll let them soothe our children when they’re poorly, and tickle them when they beg for their papa’s tentacles to come out and play,” Alec whispers confidently as his fingers find their way into Magnus' hair, twirling a couple of strands of it. 

Magnus closes his eyes, wondering if that day will ever come. Luckily for him and his tentacles, he has a very stubborn Shadowhunter who seems to love every part of him. He has a feeling that Alec won't ever stop trying to make him love himself. 

**Author's Note:**

> Whew, what a ride. As y'all can probably tell from the word count, Alec making Magnus love himself is my religion. I'll never get enough of Alec worshipping his man. Magnus Lightwood-Bane deserves everything in the entire world. And so does Alec Lightwood-Bane for giving it to him. That is the hill I will die a thousand deaths on!


End file.
